


Lovers With Benefits

by Eskarina



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, chatfic, no angst only idiocy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-11 10:41:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28350045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eskarina/pseuds/Eskarina
Summary: Yakkun: no you seem to have an entirely different problemKuroo: which is??Yakkun: the fact that you think it's normal to not only have sex with your friend but also make out in a clearly non platonic wayKuroo: yeah that IS normalYakkun: Mhm. Azumane-san do you have anything else to say for yourselfAzumane: No I'm just confused and a little scaredIn which Kuroo is fully convinced him and Kenma are just friends with benefits.
Relationships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou
Comments: 79
Kudos: 415
Collections: My favorite haikyuu fics, Recommended KuroKen Fics, Work's I've Finished, kagsivity's fic archive





	Lovers With Benefits

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [Друзья с привилегиями](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29290872) by [what_the_hell_Neil](https://archiveofourown.org/users/what_the_hell_Neil/pseuds/what_the_hell_Neil)



> Nicknames as saved on Kuroo's phone :^)
> 
> I swear I also have a fic with actual substance in the works SKDMSMD

**Nekokara 3rd years 😽🐥**

Azumane: Hey I have a question please don't judge

Azumane: Does anyone here have experience with friends with benefits?

Yakkun: friends with benefits can never work it's an awful idea DO NOT DO IT

Azumane: Oh. Okay. Damn

Sawamura: Azumane…

Suga-chan: Asahi…

Azumane: I regret asking.

Suga-chan: I know… can we talk about this in person tomorrow 😂😂

Azumane: Please no

Kuroo: wtf are you talking about Yaku it works fine

Yakkun: the hell would you know

Kuroo: well obviously I'm speaking from experience

Yakkun: I don't believe you

Kai: Let's hear him out?

Azumane: I just want to make sure everyone knows I want nothing to do with this discussion anymore

Suga-chan: oh he's fully chickened out now 😂

Sawamura: Get it together man

Kuroo: not that it's anyone's business but clearly you're all in dire need of fact based knowledge

Kuroo: I've been friends with benefits with a certain someone for like a couple months and it works fine no problem 👌

Suga-chan: a certain someone??

Kai: Oh.

Kuroo: I'm not telling you who

Yakkun: well you don't need to 

Kai: Yeah I think we all got a pretty clear picture...

Kuroo: what's that supposed to mean??

Yakkun: why do I need to tell you who you're fucking. Just believe me I know. And I wish I hadn't found out

Kuroo: WHY ARE YOU GETTING HOSTILE AZUMANE WAS ASKING!

Kuroo: is it because you're jealous

Yakkun: no

Kai: Let's just keep it civil okay ☺️

Suga-chan: so is it Kenma? 👀

Yakkun: yes

Kuroo: YOU CAN'T JUST ANSWER THAT FOR ME

Suga-chan: so it's not?

Yakkun: please don't embarrass yourself.

Kuroo: I mean it is

Kuroo: don't go around telling people though I wasn't trying to have you guys find out either fuck

Yakkun: I'm not gonna tell anyone obviously having to live with this knowledge myself is already burden enough ✌️

Kuroo: why are you so dramatic about this it's not a big deal!!

Kai: Isn't it?

Yakkun: lets let him find out for himself

Kuroo: find what out 😒

Kuroo: actually nevermind I don't care! I'm having a good time that's what matters!

Yakkun: TMI

Kuroo: you wish

~~

Azumane: Once again regret asking

Suga-chan: oh boy

Azumane: What's like... normal... for friends with benefits

Sawamura: First of all what do you mean normal. Second of all I thought we told you not to do it??

Azumane: Well Kuroo-san made compelling arguments so I just... assumed it would be fine…

Yakkun: lesson 1 - never listen to him

Azumane: Duck. Okay

Azumane: *fuck

Suga-chan: you've never used that word before have you 😶

Azumane: New phone

Sawamura: It's not but we'll let that one slide to get back to the discussion at hand 

Kuroo: I'm here to help!! Lesson 1: always listen to me

Azumane: Getting conflicting instructions here

Kai: Listen to him half the time?

Kuroo: so what do you mean what's normal??

Azumane: Well like. If you're friends with benefits you shouldn't have like romance stuff right

Kuroo: hmm I mean I guess 🤔

Azumane: But what even counts as romance... Does kissing already count?? Where's the line that we're not supposed to cross??

Yakkun: kissing is fine it would just be weird to have sex without it. But there's a very clear distinction between romantic kissing and kissing just because it feels good you know

Kuroo: there is?

Azumane: Three if??

Azumane: *There is??

Yakkun: good god

Suga-chan: I like it here

Sawamura: I don't.

Kuroo: clearly I have more experience on this Yakkun knows nothing idk what he's talking about 😒

Yakkun: You know I'm right. You do know that. Right??

Kuroo: no what the hell?

Yakkun: okay then enlighten me. Would you describe the kissing you do while having sex as romantic :)

Kuroo: okay I mean I guess?!??! There is no non romantic kissing you're just being weird dude!

Yakkun: you're telling me everyone who just ends up making out at parties and shit is at the peak of romance

Kuroo: maybe not but that's not my problem is it 😌

Yakkun: no you seem to have an entirely different problem

Kuroo: which is??

Yakkun: the fact that you think it's normal to not only have sex with your friend but also make out in a clearly non platonic way

Kuroo: yeah that IS normal

Yakkun: Mhm. Azumane-san do you have anything else to say for yourself

Azumane: No I'm just confused and a little scared

Sawamura: Maybe listen to Yaku-san instead of Kuroo next time to avoid getting into any more predicaments.

Azumane: Noted

Kuroo: now that's just rude

Kai: You did your best.

~~

Azumane: Does holding hands count as romantic

Yakkun: I'd like to let Kuroo handle this one

Kuroo: I mean not necessarily??

Yakkun: not disappointed

Suga-chan: hold on how is holding hands not romantic 😂

Kuroo: sorry y'all don't hold hands with your friends I guess?

Yakkun: Yeah. We don't hold hands with our platonic friends that we also kiss and have sex with. How weird

Kuroo: you don't gotta be passive aggressive about it yakkun you'll find someone eventually!!

Yakkun: a platonic friend to kiss and fuck?

Kuroo: well if you say it like that maybe you don't deserve it 😒

Yakkun: I don't think you see my issue here. Why would I want that. If I could instead look for someone to date like a normal person would

Kuroo: Idk sounds like too much hassle. Friends with benefits is easy and way less complicated

Azumane: doesn't feel that way :(

Sawamura: Okay just to get this straight. If you were asked on a date by someone you found attractive and you get along with. What would you say?

Kuroo: no??

Yakkun: because...?

Kuroo: I already have what I want try to keep up man

Suga-chan: and what you want is?? 👀

Yakkun: having sex with his best friend and also kissing and holding hands and there's no romance except when there is

Kuroo: so you do get it!

Yakkun: I already got it this entire time. Doesn't make it make any more sense though

~~

Azumane: Is cuddling after sex crossing a line…

Sawamura: I'm gonna be honest sometimes I kind of wanna leave this group

Suga-chan: don't bother I'll just add you back in 😂

Kuroo: no it's not. not cuddling would just be rude

Yakkun: and you wouldn't want to be rude to your platonic friend who you're having sex with, kissing, holding hands and cuddling with

Yakkun: Just a question. Where IS the line you're obviously not crossing??

…

Suga-chan: looks like someone needs a moment to think 😬

Yakkun: @Kuroo hello??

Kuroo: shut up I was busy. IDK being in love, going on dates?

Yakkun: dates like going to the mall together even though only one of you wants to buy something, or accompanying your friend to gaming conventions you do not care about

Kuroo: you know you can go places with friends right? you do know that??

Yakkun: Of course. Just keep on trucking

Kuroo: thanks for your blessing I needed that 👌

~~

Azumane: What's like... an okay thing to say

Suga-chan: that is. that is the vaguest question I've ever heard Asahi are you okay 😂😂

Azumane: Probably

Azumane: I mean like, during sex, do you... Talk

Kuroo: dude of course I mean silence would just be weird

Yakkun: of course

Azumane: And what crosses the line??

Kuroo: well obviously you wouldn't say I love you and stuff but pretty much anything else goes 👍

Yakkun: obviously

Azumane: Oh okay

Yakkun: speak kind words of affirmation to let the other person know they are appreciated

Kuroo: yakkun here gets it ☝️

Yakkun: I was joking.

Kuroo: Well too bad because you're right!! Sex puts you into a very vulnerable position obviously you need to make sure you're both feeling good, like, emotionally. Same reason you should be cuddling

Yakkun: have you considered most people who do friends with benefits don't actually get that emotionally vulnerable, they just have sex because it feels good and that's it

Kuroo: actually I haven't considered.

Kuroo: I think they're doing it wrong

Yakkun: no that's literally the definition of friends with benefits. Casual sex with someone you know and trust but have no deeper connection with. So no emotional vulnerability, no romantic kissing and no hand holding and no sweet words of affirmation

Kuroo: huh

Kai: Let's just give him some more time...

Kuroo: time for what??

Kai: Don't worry about it!

~~

Azumane: do you ever just fall asleep next to each other and wake up still cuddling and you don't know how to deal with it

Sawamura: This used to be a chat for organizing joint practices. Like I just wanted to remind you guys of better times

Kuroo: not really I mean we've always spent a lot of time just cuddling in bed so I guess at this point it's just normal to me

Yakkun: normal like all the rest of this

Kuroo: precisely.

Yakkun: so if you cuddle outside of sex, do you also kiss outside of sex?

Kuroo: I mean sure

Azumane: you do?

Kuroo: you don't?

Azumane: I mean sometimes..

Sawamura: Kuroo........ Asahi...

Kuroo: What?!

Sawamura: Why are you kissing your platonic friend outside of sex

Suga-chan: try showing that question to someone without context 🤔

Kuroo: Idk why not. Because it feels good? Because it's fun? Why do I a reason

Yakkun: uh oh he's getting defensive

Kuroo: I just don't see why I shouldn't!!

Kai: Well it's your choice to make 😶

Kuroo: thank you at least one person has my back in here

~~

Kuroo: I've been thinking

Yakkun: no way

Kuroo: and considering

Kuroo: shut up yakkun

Kuroo: what if I was a little bit more emotionally invested than on a friendship level

Suga-chan: no way what is happening 😮

Yakkun: oh my god. Is this the real Kuroo?

Kai: I think you should talk about it…

Sawamura: First of all fess up.

Kuroo: all I'm saying is I may be a bit. in too deep. but just a little

Yakkun: you mean you're head over heels

Kuroo: shut up I said

Yakkun: so you can monologue about your predicament that I already pointed out to you a long time ago?

Kuroo: blocked

Suga-chan: 😂😂😂 Kuroo-san you're too funny

Kuroo: what do I do now 😭

Sawamura: let this go back to a chat about joint practices for example

Yakkun: start dating like a normal person? good god

Kuroo: what if he doesn't like me back!??!?

Yakkun: oh yeah I'm sure your platonic friend that likes to have sex with you, kiss you, cuddle with you and go on dates with you doesn't like you back

Kai: Don't say that he's gonna believe you...

Kuroo: so you guys DO think he likes me back??

Sawamura: Undeserved. But yes

Suga-chan: you should confess right now!! :))

Kuroo: BUT I'M NOT READY

Suga-chan: but I wanna see it play out :/

…

Yakkun: did he just dip?? or is he actually confessing

Suga-chan: godspeed big cat man!!

Sawamura: The things that come out of your mouth 😬

Azumane: Wait I feel like I'm having a second hand anxiety attack what if it doesn't go well??

Sawamura: I worry about you sometimes

Suga-chan: "sometimes"

…

Kuroo: hello

Sawamura: ?

Yakkun: hello???

Kuroo: this is Kenma.

Sawamura: oh shit

Suga-chan: HAHAHAAHAHAH

Kai: Hey Kenma!

Kuroo: anyone want to sum this up for me I don’t have time to backread all that

Yakkun: quick question did you kill Kuroo to get access to his phone. please answer honestly it's gonna determine what I have for dinner

Kuroo: no he’s just indisposed right now.

Suga-chan: oh my god he’s fucking dead

Sawamura: Don’t just curse in front of everyone 😭

Suga-chan: “oh shit” - Daichi, 1 minute ago

Sawamura: Shut up

Asahi: Am I the only one having a full blown meltdown right now???

Asahi: Kozume-san please don’t be mad I didn’t mean for any of this to happen

Kuroo: I mean you really didn’t do anything so

Kuroo: but what about that summary I think he’s regaining consciousness.

Yakkun: YOU KNOCKED HIM OUT????

Kuroo: no

Kai: So to make things quick Kuroo has been telling us about your. Relationship. And we have the theory he might have feelings for you but please talk this out.

Kuroo: oh. ok

Asahi: Please don’t kill him Kozume-san please. Please I feel like his blood is on my hands

Suga-chan: I think it’s too late 😔

Sawamura: Yeah Kuroo’s gone

Yakkun: and to think I wasn’t there to see it

...

Kuroo: okay so

Kuroo: Kenma saw this chat

Yakkun: we know.

Suga-chan: wait you’re alive??

Azumane: OH THANK GOD

Sawamura: How did he even find this?

Kuroo: he was looking over my shoulder...

Sawamura: You were. Texting us about your issues with Kenma. While sitting directly next to him??

Suga-chan: I love your sense of self preservation big cat man 👌👌

Azumane: WHAT DID HE SAY I CAN’T TAKE THIS ANYMORE

Kuroo: well we're dating now is all you need to know

Kai: Congratulations!

Yakkun: what I WANT to know is did he actually knock you out

Kuroo: no he took my phone and I fled the room for a couple minutes to calm down

Yakkun: sure……..

Suga-chan: I don’t care I’ll live with the version where he knocked you unconscious for a good 10 minutes

Kuroo: cool is nobody going to ask me how I'm feeling after going through the most stressful events of my life???

Yakkun: no

Azumane: Sorry I need a minute to calm down myself I’m making tea

Suga-chan: oh don't be so dramatic it worked out for the best!!

Sawamura: Do you guys. Do you guys think we can go back to talking about joint practices now

**Author's Note:**

> This is something I had in my notes for MONTHS and I never thought it was good enough to post but I reread it recently and it cracked me up so. Here it is. Please let me know what you think and leave kudos if you enjoyed the experience LMAO
> 
> Hang out with me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/Eskarina69) I post wip snippets sometimes and generally act like a friendly raccoon


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